Living with an extended family has its pros and cons. Those who have been a part of such a family, like living with their in-laws, would realize that there can be several reasons for such living to be good or bad. It can be financially beneficial for you and your partner. If you are sick, you can get special care from your in-laws. Sharing a home with the in-laws might also be a tradition in the family. Irrespective of the reason, living with the in-laws might prove to be challenging for you. While living together, it’s pretty easy for the members of the family to be at loggerheads with one another. Disagreements, lack of privacy, and no independence can really piss you off. However, there are a host of solutions that can help you live peacefully.
Before you move in with your partner’s family, the first thing that concerns you is whether it will be the right thing to do. You might wonder how things will be like and that’s quite normal. Discuss in detail with your spouse if you will be able to adjust there. The values might differ a little bit from one family to another, but more or less they are mostly the same.
Asking the elders of the family about some issues, listening to what other members are saying, and giving a calm and respectful response is showing respect to the family’s value system. Try to help out in the kitchen. When your turn comes, cook a meal for the family. Take out the garbage sometimes and take part in carrying out the other household chores. This way, it wouldn’t be a burden on an individual and you can contribute to the family setup. You can also commit yourself to do a single household chore, like doing the dishes or mowing the lawn, regularly. When the members of a family communicate with each other on daily issues, each person can voice their opinion. Also, find out the living expenses so that you can know which costs you need to pay for. Creating such clear guidelines is the key to peaceful living.
Privacy is quite important for a newlywed couple. It leads to intimacy through which couples get to know each other better. While living in an extended family, privacy might become an issue. However, there are certain ways through which you can spend quality time with your partner. If your in-laws live in a small apartment, identify areas that are not accessible to them, for example, your bedroom. The better option is to carve out a living space within the same house where you guys can spend as much time together as you want. You can also choose to live in a separate apartment within the same complex, a way to hold on to your independence while living close by. In case you are not able to spend as much time as you should with your spouse, you can go out on date nights.
Never Get Involved in Family Arguments
Don’t be surprised if you come across problems and arguments while staying with your in-laws. Your spouse has been living with the family since childhood, and it’s pretty easy for them to fall into some definite patterns – especially while living with the people who have given them birth and raised them. It’s quite normal for your spouse to become their worst selves when they get to spend so much time with their families. Though you are living in the same house, never get involved in any kind of family arguments. Also, don’t hesitate in asking your partner what they expect from you while staying in the household. This will create a better understanding between the two of you.
Ask for Help
Living with your in-laws and dealing with them can be tough on you sometimes. It can be emotionally stressful. If the situation seems to be getting out of your hand or you are feeling depressed, you can definitely consult a counselor or a family law attorney. If you feel that your in-laws are not behaving with you the way they should or are trying to ruin your marriage, never shy away from asking for help. It’s always nice to stay with the in-laws and helping them in whichever way possible, but not at the cost of your marriage. Consult a marriage counselor if needed.
Family is always a priority. There is no second opinion about that. However, your marriage, as well as your happiness, are no less important.